Lunchtimes can be fun

October 25, 2006 at 5:16 pm (Uncategorized)


As a seasoned celebrity spotter with limited visits allowed from the asylum the rare mention of a celebrity coming to the area is something to relish, and it doesn’t matter who it is, anyone recognisable will do as they bring such a ray of sunshine into our lives. We rule our lives by them, we set our clocks by them, we plan our wardrobes by them… and so and so forth yadda yadda yadda.

So when I heard a new Holland and Barrett store was about to open amid a fanfare then it was good reason to get excited especially when the ribbon was to be cut by none other than legendary seed nut (you see what I did there?!) Gillian McKeith. Excitement was at fever pitch. I got to the store and there was at least half a dozen others there too. We gave each other an embarrassed smile and engrossed ourselves in nearby shop window displays to try and cover the fact we were there for any particular reason. Although you could have got away with it as what a show they had put on…. A man making balloon animals for the kids and a bored DJ doing countdowns “She will be here in five minutes”. “Doesn’t bother me, I’m not here for that, I am looking at this fascinating display of Swiss watches…..  Not here for any other reason”.

Eventually after levels of stalling which would have put David Beckham’s contract negotiations to shame… we spotted the staff door being opened. And… nothing. Well she’s not the tallest is she? We readjusted our level of vision and there she was! Co-ee! An embarrassed cheer erupted around the crowd which had swelled to at least ten by this time. The DJ then attempted to engage in an interview with Gillian over the loud speaker and, inevitably, the subject got around to the “samples” she examines and the smell of them. Nic e. Quite what passers by thought of this filth god only knows but I videoed the whole thing on my phone and can watch it over and over in the privacy of my own house or pass it onto the authorities should they have received complaints.

After a photocall with local primary school children who had won a healthy eating competition (highlights included one of the kids having a crying fit and them all nearly being taller than Gillian) she was free to mingle with the rabble and I saw my chance… in I went brandishing my cherished copy of ‘you are what you eat’ which is now signed “with love and light, Gillian”. Oh yes. I even managed to have a chat with her on modern events such as the cause of headaches, what she thinks of David Cameron’s proposed environmental measures and who her favourite member of Take That was and then, all too soon, it was all over… as work once again beckoned.  But if only all lunchtimes could be as exciting…


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