Video of the week

October 27, 2006 at 8:29 pm (Uncategorized)

With the Take That DVD out this week why not remember one of the best bits. Cor blimey.


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He’s behind you. Oh, hello.

October 27, 2006 at 8:21 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s approaching that time of year again that we all love, panto time! Oh no it isn’t [sorry]. The theatre near me has, disappointingly, decided to go back to the same cast as last year which means the return of Jill Halfpenny (that woman from Eastenders/Corrie/The dull dancing programme/Byker Groovvveee). Frankly, a dull choice. However, there is hope as none other than The Krankies are on down the road in Darlington . Well I know where I’m going this Christmas. They actually starred in one of my first ever panto with the lovely Dana (remember her?!). Sunderland have, meanwhile, gone for Scrooge staring Michael Barrymore which has caused outrage in the local media. I think I am washing my hair those nights. I can imagine it now, a moving scene… audience involved… and then Michael asks for the house lights to come on so he can do a brief speech about how bad off he is and how he wants everyone’s sympathy. Perhaps they could cast George Galloway as Tiny Dim (yes, that was a deliberate typo).

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[round of applause please]

October 27, 2006 at 8:20 pm (Uncategorized)

I recently had a lovely evening in Manchester watching the comedic delights of Trevor Locke and Russell Brand. Being a big fan of BB Big Mouth I was really looking forward to it, and I wasn’t disappointed. It was very very funny and if you get the chance to see any of the two do a show it is highly recommended. And a nice local reference to a microphone “tis like a Lowry figure”. Ok, so you probably had to be there for that one. But isn’t it nice to go out and have a laugh in this morbidly depressing world we live in. Having booked to see Mitchell and Webb in December I am hoping for more of the same. Lift me from the gloom.

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The story of the missing pounds

October 27, 2006 at 8:18 pm (Uncategorized)

FansUnited’ are the infamous company in charge of photographing many concert events. You have probably seen them handing out their flyers that invite you to send a pound away and in return you will receive a brochure of all the photos available to buy from the concert and a sample photo. Well, no wonder everyone sends their pounds away with such an amazing offer in place…. And then… well… nothing. Several months later I am still waiting for my free photo, emails have gone unanswered and many hundreds of people are getting rather annoyed. And you don’t want to see me annoyed let me tell you! Then today, a standard email appears in my inbox saying the photos are going to send out soon with the line “And since I am receiving many, many coupons every day, it would be nice if I didn’t receive random e-mails, because I have to open and read all e-mails” yes, and not reply to them it seems…. What fantastic customer service! And if I don’t get my stuff soon my email bombardment shall continue. Ha. There’s no stopping me [evil cackle].

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They’re destroying football. Again.

October 27, 2006 at 8:16 pm (Uncategorized)

Before the Manchester United v Liverpool match at the weekend the United board in all their wisdom decided to publicly say that the “the animosity has got out of control” and they decided a supporter from each side should swap a friendship pennant before the game. They did, and they were booed. As Oliver Holt quite rightly said in The Mirror “they’re trying to anaesthetise the experience of watching football”. The rivalry is one of the only things that makes the modern-day, sanitised money-obsessed game interesting.

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Cop a load of that then [groan]

October 27, 2006 at 8:15 pm (Uncategorized)

Next week I am on my holidays to Copenhagen . The main reason is to watch United but there is also lots to see which is a good thing as the price of beer is supposed to be through the roof so it could be interesting, as watching United sober is often not a pretty sight. Copenhagen FC are slated by their local rivals, Brondby, for being “yuppies” as they have no working class origins. We should fit in well then….

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I did laugh.

October 27, 2006 at 8:15 pm (Uncategorized)

There is a road I pass on the bus on the way to work called ‘Gibson Street’. You can tell it’s the school holiday as someone has written ‘Mel’ in front of it. Childishly, I found it incredible amusing.

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Essential viewing.

October 27, 2006 at 8:13 pm (Uncategorized)

I have discovered the program Totally Boyband and am enjoying it. For those who have not watched this masterpiece yet it follows the fortunes of a band, ‘ Upper Street ’ made up of the members that nobody liked from groups such as New Kids on the Block, 911 and S Club 7. They recently did a set and signing in HMV in Manchester so perhaps they will be coming to a town near you soon so you too could see how dreadful they really are. When 911 were together there was a scouse granny who stalked Jimmy round the country, I am interested to know if she is back on the scene. Why she cannot could not content herself with trips to the bingo I will never know. But everywhere they were, there she was too.

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Well it’s day three

October 25, 2006 at 5:26 pm (Uncategorized)

And still no bloomin DVD.

If it’s not here tomorrow will not know what has hit them.

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Lunchtimes can be fun

October 25, 2006 at 5:16 pm (Uncategorized)


As a seasoned celebrity spotter with limited visits allowed from the asylum the rare mention of a celebrity coming to the area is something to relish, and it doesn’t matter who it is, anyone recognisable will do as they bring such a ray of sunshine into our lives. We rule our lives by them, we set our clocks by them, we plan our wardrobes by them… and so and so forth yadda yadda yadda.

So when I heard a new Holland and Barrett store was about to open amid a fanfare then it was good reason to get excited especially when the ribbon was to be cut by none other than legendary seed nut (you see what I did there?!) Gillian McKeith. Excitement was at fever pitch. I got to the store and there was at least half a dozen others there too. We gave each other an embarrassed smile and engrossed ourselves in nearby shop window displays to try and cover the fact we were there for any particular reason. Although you could have got away with it as what a show they had put on…. A man making balloon animals for the kids and a bored DJ doing countdowns “She will be here in five minutes”. “Doesn’t bother me, I’m not here for that, I am looking at this fascinating display of Swiss watches…..  Not here for any other reason”.

Eventually after levels of stalling which would have put David Beckham’s contract negotiations to shame… we spotted the staff door being opened. And… nothing. Well she’s not the tallest is she? We readjusted our level of vision and there she was! Co-ee! An embarrassed cheer erupted around the crowd which had swelled to at least ten by this time. The DJ then attempted to engage in an interview with Gillian over the loud speaker and, inevitably, the subject got around to the “samples” she examines and the smell of them. Nic e. Quite what passers by thought of this filth god only knows but I videoed the whole thing on my phone and can watch it over and over in the privacy of my own house or pass it onto the authorities should they have received complaints.

After a photocall with local primary school children who had won a healthy eating competition (highlights included one of the kids having a crying fit and them all nearly being taller than Gillian) she was free to mingle with the rabble and I saw my chance… in I went brandishing my cherished copy of ‘you are what you eat’ which is now signed “with love and light, Gillian”. Oh yes. I even managed to have a chat with her on modern events such as the cause of headaches, what she thinks of David Cameron’s proposed environmental measures and who her favourite member of Take That was and then, all too soon, it was all over… as work once again beckoned.  But if only all lunchtimes could be as exciting…

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