Culture n that

August 31, 2006 at 9:02 pm (Uncategorized)

I went to the Baltic Art gallery in Ncle on Saturday and amongst the usual and pointless nonsense [favourites including a stuffed dog randomly dumped in a corner and two unopened cans of Diet Coke. I would have cleared them away as rubbish but they were accompanied by a drawing on the wall of someone standing on the cans. Erm… great.

And who could forget the video of a man lying on the ground with a tap dancing man with a dove on his head (!) stood behind him.]

But there was one gem; the tunnel.

There until the 3rd September so get a wriggle on.


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The wonderful characters of Whitley Bay FC part 38758674676

August 26, 2006 at 4:34 pm (Uncategorized)

A random man sits throughout the match with his headphones on listening to the football commentary and keeps coming out with random score updates for us all “Burnley are winning”. Erm… thanks for that, my life is now complete.  

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Part 38758674677

August 26, 2006 at 4:33 pm (Uncategorized)

There is a strange man who sits and reads the paper all match. Now I know they are never the most entertaining of matches but scrutinising the TV supplement for an entire half is going that step too far.Though a rather amusing incident happened at the
West Auckland match. Halfway through the second half the ref got injured and could not continue. One of his linesmen had to take over and our club secretary; a short, tubby man who could not be described as being in the peak of physical fitness had to take over the other line, much to the disgust of the other manager who thought it was all a fix. The new ‘ref’ was terrible of course and got stick from everyone, bottled out of making decisions and got everyone wound up so that there were tackles flying in all over the place. If our captain Brian Rowe had been playing (the Roy Keane of the Northern League) there would have been carnage. All very entertaining of course… As the club photographer ran round trying to get pictures of the club secretaries moment of fame.

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Love it.

August 26, 2006 at 4:32 pm (Uncategorized)

Amusing sign found at the local mini golf course “do not put stones down the holes as it spoils the enjoyment for others”. Quite.

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And the joys of the Megabus continue…

August 26, 2006 at 4:32 pm (Uncategorized)

A passenger gets on wrong Megabus at Victoria Coach Station as they hadn’t bothered to label it with where it was going “the Plymouth bus?”, he asked. What about it” the driver snaps back. Lovely.

At a service station we stop for ten minutes to stretch our legs and go to the toilet as the coach toilet is (again) out of order (has anyone been on a Megabus where the toilet HAS actually been in order?) and the driver snaps “you must be here by five past as we’re going”. Fair enough. At five past with everyone on board the driver (who had stayed on board for the entire break), walks out of the bus and across the cap park. “He must be going to the loo” we thought but he just carried on walking. About ten minutes later another driver appeared from out of nowhere and we were off. And it’s not just the drivers “are you the Megabus?” a passenger asks. Could you get a more branded vehicle?

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August 26, 2006 at 4:31 pm (Uncategorized)

Back to bus entertainment… a man is talking in a language I did not recognise “blah blah blah blah Sheffield Wednesday” what?!

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One step too far

August 26, 2006 at 4:31 pm (Uncategorized)

I give money by direct debit ever month to a handful of my favourite charities, one being the WWF who are now the latest victims of my forked tongue on this blog. I had a phone call the other day from a salesman who worked for a company who worked for the WWF “we are being paid to do this” he said. Which was a strange thing anyway, why would a charity be wasting their money in this way? I wasn’t happy from the start. The ‘cheekie chapie’ (who reminded me of the tiresome Syeed from The Apprentice) continued his rehearsed spiel about the work they were doing and wanted to know if I would basically give them £6 a month instead of three. I replied that no, as I want to give all the charities the same, plus I had just been to a Sea Life Centre and donated there for similar work they were doing. He replied “ok, well can you give £5 a month instead?” Did you listen to a word I just said? Sigh. Words are wasted on these idiots. And perhaps the WWF should concentrate on trying to attract new people to help them than mothering those who already do to death?

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I’d rather eat nothing thanks

August 26, 2006 at 4:30 pm (Uncategorized)

Shopping centre food courts… they should be condemned. I had the displeasure of finding myself in one in London at the weekend. Faced with no alternative due to a lack of time before catching a coach I wandered in and they were as bad as I remembered. Dire, uninventive food catering for the moronic masses who can’t be bothered to look that little further to get food that actually had some taste, unlike this bland, processed nonsense. I went for one of the few safe options, a jacket potato with cheese and beans, a small side salad and a small Sprite and it was over a fiver. At least Dick Turpin wore a mask

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6 days…

August 14, 2006 at 8:16 pm (Uncategorized)


… Until the reds kick off the season.

Lets forget about Glazer for a minute and just enjoy the football. Or at least try to. Or all else fails get drunk. Yeah, that’ll do.

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Right, that’s it!

August 10, 2006 at 9:13 pm (Uncategorized)

Someone at work has robbed my cup.

One day it was there and the next it had disappeared. Either someone is using it as their own or some bugger has smashed it. This will never do. I am going to use my very best tracking tips as learnt from the master Jessicca Fletcher and track you down. Watch yourself.

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