I’ve only gone and done it

June 23, 2006 at 2:11 pm (Uncategorized)

I’ve booked to go the Milton Keynes gig tomorrow night, it just had to be done.

Only downside I have to get the 10:30pm overnight coach down tonight and the 12:24 overnight coach back tomorrow night.

Still, small sacrifices to make…


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June 19, 2006 at 2:43 pm (Uncategorized)

Sunday 18th June

And the most surreal incident of the weekend has to be this…

Stood in the hotel lobby and the door opens. Out walks Kelly Osborne with two tiny white dogs. Someone asked her if they could take a photo of the dogs (?), she said “no” and walked off. ????? 

A close contender… Louis Walsh walks out of the building and a crowd of girls rush over (plus the scabby eBay stalker family and scary man from yesterday). It’s Louis Walsh?! Louis Walsh?! Weird. 

Third place. Scary eBay stalker man spots a coach arriving “whose coach is that” I reply “I can’t be sure, I think I left my crystal ball at home today”. He storms off. 


Back in the hotel lobby Marks pregnant girlfriend walks past with a Mars Bar and a Twix looking flustered. Perhaps the Lion Bars had sold out? 

So we spent a bit of time chilling in the hotel bar (Note the word ‘bit’ as it was £3.95 for a small bottle of Stella but they pour it for you and everything so you don’t break a fingernail. Jason, I am sure, particularly appreciated that special touch). Myself, a couple of Leeds girls and another from Spain who studies in Manchester made up the table, a cosmopolitan mix of jibbers and, by complete coincidence, managed to blag a table with superb views of all the exterior doors (and by another extraordinary coincidence, upon leaving the hotel found all manner of souvenirs such as napkins, flowers and menus had mysterious fallen into our bags. Well I never). Whilst we were sipping our cocktails (with one finger stuck out throughout, naturally) Howard strolled past pushing a pushchair and we remained cool, calm and collected throughout as we were seasoned mixers with stars by this stage (however, had Jason have walked past I suspect it may have been a different story). 

After a while we went back to the lobby and were promptly escorted out of the building by security. It seems it is fine to spend your money in the bar though of course. All the while the self appointed Take That Forum clique were sat in the corner of the lobby no doubt smugly waving their room keys (and depleted bank balance statements) and still looking as miserable as sin.  

Onto the stadium, some guerrilla tactics, some elbows and there were at the third row from the front. It was a very pleasing view on the eye especially during Relight My Fire (as those who’ve been will know what I mean). No, I am not talking about Lulu. 


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News just in

June 19, 2006 at 2:19 pm (Uncategorized)

The Hoff has pulled out of playing Captain Hook in panto this Christmas in favour of appearing in one of Simon Cowells new ventures. Oh no he hasn’t. Oh yes he has (sorry)

The Samaritans are on standby.

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“How was your weekend then…”

June 19, 2006 at 2:05 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, they soon wished they had never asked and I suspect they won’t again.


Upon arrival in Manchestershire at an ungodly hour one would think sensible behaviour would be perhaps to freshen oneself up, get some food and drink or take some time to relax perhaps? Don’t be daft, there were celebrities in our midsts and there was little time. It’s all about priorities and there was already a queue…. “are you here for the X Factor auditions?” a young freckled lad asked (obviously has not heard me sing). Alas, no (but what a great way to get into the building, I will be using that one next time). It was the second round so some of the wheat had already been separated from the chaff but not enough if this motley crew was anything to go by (and if I was a judge I would eliminate anyone wearing a cowboy hat purely on principle before I had even heard them sing).

By this point a rabble of around 20 ‘women of a certain age’ had gathered with around a 50/50 mix of those from the UK and mad women who had jetted in from further afield. Now that is commitment/or they should be committed. One of the two.

At this point a suspicious looking guy walks out of the hotel with a bit of a swagger, shades on and a sleeveless top exposing arms to die for (trust me, you just wanted to squeeze them). No it wasn’t Louis Walsh, but the delectable Jason, who got in a silver Merc and sped off somewhere (it may have been a little different if we had not found ourselves incapable of speech and hence stood there no doubt looking dozy. He probably thought “bloomin cheek. Nobody recognises me”). Not even a murmur from the X Factor auditionees, although they were probably topping up their orange fake tan at the time.

Then Ben Shephard appeared (at which point I hid so that he would not recognise me from Soccer Aid stalking and misguidedly think I do this kind of thing all the time which would be totally untrue. Ahem) and filmed some intro to the X Factor unseen/more dull footage/didn’t Kate Thornton destroy Smash Hits show with a rabble of Thatters looking sunburnt and worse for wear in the background.

A huge X Factor coach turns up and it’s Simon Cowell and Sharon Osborne and ONE person in the X Factor queue says something. The rest say nothing. Probably topping up their orange fake tan at the time (you get where I’m going with this one yet?…)

The lookout at the back of the building started making the secret noise and dance so we knew there was a celebrity approaching and it was Howard calmly walking back from shopping in town where he had left his girlfriend and kid behind (though she had probably blagged his credit card so would not have been too upset). He said he could not stay long as he had an appointment with a physio (well, there were several who would have offered their services I suspect…) and he was lovely. At one point he brushed past me by accident and he apologised! He can do that as often as he likes… but what lovely manners. He posed for everyone’s photos and tried to ignore this annoying man (no, not Gary) hanging around who is like a leach, no doubt trying to get stuff signed for eBay. The clown.

After the ambulance staff had revived us, we took up positions at the front of the building where four smart cars had lined up. One guy pipes up “who are you waiting for” “East 17 have reformed and they are in there!” He walked off. Must be a Boyzone fan.

The That calmly just walked out to their cars and jetted off to the Arena. And we ran after (half joking, half serious) and there was the hilarious sight of a random man running ahead of all of us in hot pursuit. Why he did this only he will know but I think the relevant authorities should be informed as a matter of urgency.

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Possibly the best eBay item ever

June 16, 2006 at 6:02 pm (Uncategorized)


Apparently the necklass Gary Barlow wore on the current Take That tour. Now look a little closer….. G Unit! Yep, straight from the ghetto of erm… Cheshire. Barlow can't get enough of them. Or, alternatively, it could all be nonsense.

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Friday 16th June 06

June 16, 2006 at 1:52 pm (Uncategorized)

Did you know that the Black Eyed Peas’ drummer is called Keith Harris? Alas, not that Keith Harris. Think about it. How could he drum properly with a bird on one arm?

Speaking of the Peas, I went to see them Wednesday gone at Manchester Arena and I am sure I was not the only one there suffering feelings of dejavu (if only I could spell it…) for it was exactly the same show that they did at Manchester Apollo in December. Same costumes, lines and everything. Bit of a cheek if you ask me. But not only that, they had ‘BEP 05’ t shirts on sale in the lobby. I am sure I was not the only one consulting the calendar.  

Tales from the peasant wagon top deck

An annoying young ruffian was blasting the tunes this morning for all to hear. You would not mind if they were listening to proper music but a few pings here and there with a monotone rap at 345mph over the top of it does not make a tune. Innit. This morning we were treated to the delights of a version of ‘Going Underground’ with a twist. The twist being that it was about the London Underground. And it had the occasional naughty swear word in it too to add to the incredible humour. And how we all laughed at the hilarity of it all. Though we were not laughing on the third play in a row as we busied ourselves cutting out letters out of discarded Metro papers and rearranging them to spell the words ‘have you heard of headphones you heathen?’

It’s a football thing? Now the World Cup would be good if it was just about the football. Yes, the football. Not the girlfriends and wives and what they are wearing (we don’t care), not demented fools in their ‘Do the Crouch’ t shirts (we don’t care and you look stupid), and not made in China car flags with a lion in each corner. “Three lions on the shirts”. And one for luck it seems.  

Though having been otherwise engaged at the time of the England v Trinidad and Tobago match I found myself walking through M&S to the bus station who, helpfully, had installed a small telly in the middle of their shop. And, yes, there was a baying mob forming to watch. A mixture of workmen and blokes in England replica shirts all choosing to watch this important fixture in the midst of the M&S tie section.

Though quite what the old lady nearby prodding the peaches for signs of bruising thought of the occasional grunting and sounds of despair from the tie section is anyone’s guess.  

Ah don’t you love the British people…

(sure to be an ongoing series)…

This lunchtime in Subway I ask for a cheese sandwich. Girl behind the counter replies “would you like that with cheese”. Erm… yes it would help.

What’s new?

I am going organic. Oh aye, it’s all go round here. A full report on the exciting organic range available in my local Morrisons will be coming soon you lucky people.

At the moment the great topics of debate include…

What to buy with my £5 CD Wow voucher?

Whoever told Peter Crouch he was a Premiership footballer?

What exactly is the point of George Galloway?

Why is ‘Shami Sarci Bati’ on the Question Time panel every second week?

This weeks must buy…

The Apprentice series 5 on DVD. And an exciting fact for you courtesy of today’s Metro. Do you know that Donald Trump dislikes shaking hands with all and sundry? Apparently because hands are the carriers of so many germs (he carries a packet of wipes with him at all times for this very purpose).  There’s an untapped market there. Trump Wipes. Get on it.

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Nice in here isn’t it?

June 16, 2006 at 1:47 pm (Uncategorized)

Now where's the Stella?

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